


Unclean

by megank49



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Arguing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, First Kiss, M/M, Misunderstandings, Prostitution, Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-02
Updated: 2016-04-02
Packaged: 2018-05-30 15:55:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,985
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6430870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/megank49/pseuds/megank49
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Sam end up getting into a huge fight on Sam's 17 birthday due to a misunderstanding. Will they be able to resolve it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Unclean

“Happy birthday, Sammy.” Dean says softly, handing me a gift wrapped in newspaper.

  
We are sitting at the rickety table in some no-name hotel. Dad is on a hunt, but Dean opted to stay back with me since it’s my birthday. I pull the paper off to reveal a laptop. “Holy shit, how did you afford this?”

  
“It’s not everyday that you turn seventeen.” Dean smiles.

  
“That doesn’t really answer my question.”

  
“Open it up, I wanna see what I paid for, Samuel.”

  
I roll my eyes, but oblige. As the screen comes to life I sneak a peek at Dean. He sits beside me, not touching me at all. Just like he has been for the last eight-two days. Ever since he went out when we were in Marshall. I lean over and brush my arm against him and just as I suspected, he moves away.

  
“Dean?”

  
“Hm?”

  
“Why don’t you ever touch me anymore?” I have been trying to answer this question and I cannot for the life of me think of anything. I’ve tried to ask in more subtle ways, but he always avoids the issue. Maybe since it’s my birthday, he will talk.

  
“I never touched you, Samantha.” He says emphasizing the word touch. I feel my cheeks light up.

  
“Not like that. You never even push me out of the way anymore.”

  
“I don’t know what you are talking about.” He nonchalantly folds the paper, smoothing out the edges.

  
“Yes, you do. What did I do wrong?”

  
“Nothing, you didn’t do anything.” He mutters.

  
“Then why won’t you even come within a foot of me?”

  
“I’m sitting right next to you.”

  
“Dean.” My voice sounds broken, even to me.

  
“Samantha.”

  
“Why do you hate me?” I whisper feeling like this is the shittiest birthday ever. Even worse then when dad made us dig up Lillian Areland’s grave when I was twelve.

  
“I don’t hate you. God, I could never hate you.”

  
“Then why won’t you touch me?” I plead.

  
“Sam, you really need to get laid. You’re getting fucking needy.” Dean still hasn’t looked up at me.

  
“I’m a virgin so that is obviously not the problem.”

  
His head snaps up. “You’re a virgin?”

  
“Dean, where have you been hiding? Of course I am, I’m saving myself for-“ I stop myself before I say something I will really regret.

  
“Saving yourself for who?”

  
“None of your damn business.”

  
Dean looks up. “Tell me.”

  
“No, you have your secrets and I have mine.”

  
“Fine you little bitch. Happy fucking birthday.” He slams his hands down on the table and then stands, kicking his chair back.

  
“Screw you, Dean. You’re the one who fucked this day up.” I stand up, equally as angry.

  
“No, you did cause you are imagining shit and won’t grow the fuck up.”

  
“Ironic, since it’s my birthday.”

  
“Whatever. I’m going out.”

  
“That’s right, cause screwing and drinking your way through life is the best way to grow up.” I shout, blinking quickly to keep the tears at bay.

  
“Shut your damn mouth and don’t talk about things you know nothing about.” Dean is shouting now. He stomps over to the door and grabs his coat off the edge of the bed. “I need a drink to forget about you and your fucked up mind.”

  
My heart drops. He knows. He has to. That explains everything. Why he won’t touch me, why he thinks my mind is fucked up. “Fine, leave. Go spend your night with some whore who might actually love you, cause I sure as hell don’t.”

  
“What?” Dean stops with his hand on the door.

  
“You heard me. I hate you. Satisfied? You got what you wanted.” I throw the nearest item beside me, a book, at him. He ducks at the last second and the pages spill everywhere.

  
“Sam.” He says softly, walking slowly towards me.

  
“Fuck off.” I say and turn, storming into the bathroom, locking the door milliseconds before the tears start falling. Definitely the worst birthday ever.  
......  
I wake up the next morning with a crick in my neck and my back still against the door. I unlock it and peek out. No sign of Dean. I’m not surprised. I get in the shower and decide to go to the library to do some research dad asked me to do. I debate leaving a note, but decide not to. He deserves to feel shitty for yesterday.  
……  
I finally drag myself back to the motel when the librarian kicks me out at ten. I spent most of the day staring at pages instead of reading, but I didn’t want to go back and face Dean. Now I have to. I take a deep breath and open the door.  
There is no Dean however. I search for a note, but see none. I send him a text asking if he is alive. I get nothing back.  
……  
I awake to a light rustling. “Dean?”

  
The movement stops. I blink my eyes a few times and Dean comes into focus. He is standing at the end of the bed, pushing clothes into his duffle. The clock reads 3:43 am.

  
“Did dad call?”

  
“Go back to sleep.” He grunts.

  
I sit up in bed. “Where are you going?”

  
“Don’t worry about it.”

  
“Tell me.”

  
“Why should I? You hate me, remember?” Dean tries to sound angry, but I can hear the pain.

  
I get out of bed and walk over to him, taking his bag out of his hand and laying it down. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. I was just pissed.”

  
“Doesn’t matter.”

  
“Yes it does. Dean, you can’t just leave.”

  
“Watch me.”

  
He pulls the bag from my hand and walks out the door.

  
I chase after him. “Dean, stop. I know it’s fucked up and you never have to touch me again. Just don’t leave.”

  
“Sammy, I think you understand why I cannot stay. At least give me a few days to get my head on straight.” He sighs, but sets the bag down. The light from the motel sign illuminates his face in a shade of blue that makes him look like he’s about to take his last breath.

  
“You promise you’ll come back?” I whisper as I walk closer to him.

  
“Do you even want me back?” He replies, just as soft.

  
“Of course. God, of course. Always. Why would you even ask that?” I kick at the ground. “You’re the one who shouldn’t want me.”

  
“I know I shouldn’t, Sam. I can’t ever taint you, ruin your purity.”

  
“I’d let you.” I say nervously pulling on the edge of my shirt. “It’s you I’m waiting for.”

  
“Waiting for what? This life is not what you want.” He says sharply.

  
“How do you know what I want?” I snap back.

  
“Because I don’t even want this life. God, I fucking hate it. But I did it because I wanted you to be happy.” He smacks the top of the impala.

  
“Oh. I didn’t know that’s how you felt.” I close my eyes tightly, willing the tears to stay back. “You know you don’t have to do anything for me. It means nothing if you don’t want it too. You don’t need to pretend for me. That just hurts worse.” The tears leak out, but I keep my eyes on the ground.

  
“Why the hell would I want it? That’s just fucked up!” Dean sounds shocked.

  
“I know I’m fucked up, okay? I know it.” I look up not caring that my face is now shiny with tears. “I’m sorry. You don’t deserve this.”

  
“Sam, hey, look at me. It’s okay.” He places his hand under my chin and focuses my face on his. “I would’ve never done this if I knew it would upset you this much. I just wanted to make you happy.”

  
“And thinking I’m a fuck-up was supposed to do that?” Despite the fact that it is the first touch in eighty-four days, I pull his hand away from my face.

  
“What? You’re not the fuck-up, I am.” He tilts his head.

  
“Dean, I know you have a self-blaming complex, but this doesn’t even make sense. My desires cannot be blamed on you.”

  
“Your what?”

  
“Feelings, need, whatever you want to call it.”

  
“Sam, what the hell are you talking about?”

  
“The fact that I saved my virginity for my big brother because I am head over heels in love with him.” I say bluntly since Dean apparently needs me to spell it out for him.

  
“What?”

  
“Please, don’t make me say it again.” I groan.

  
“Sam, are you saying that you are attracted to me?” Dean asks slowly.

  
“Dean, what planet have you been on the last ten minutes? We already talked about this.”

  
“That’s…that’s what you thought we were talking about?” He is backing up, hands placed out in front of him as if to defend himself.

  
“Why, were we not?” I am beyond confused.

 

“No…” He trails off.

  
“What were we talking about then?” I ask.

  
“Nothing, nothing. Doesn’t matter.”

  
My face drains of all color. “Are you saying you had no idea how I felt before I blurted it out a minute ago?”

  
“I had no clue.” Dean shrugs.

  
The tears start to flow as I realize I just blurted my biggest secret out to Dean. My hand covers my mouth and nausea sweeps over me. I drop to my knees, not caring that pebbles are working their way into my skin.

  
Dean drops down as well. “Hey, buddy, calm down. It’s alright.” He places a hand on my shoulder.

  
“Don’t touch me. I’m unclean.” I wail.

  
He pulls his hand off. “Samantha, chill.”

  
“Go away.”

  
“I’m not about to let you have a mental breakdown alone in the middle of a parking lot.”

  
“But you think I’m a sick fuck.” I sniffle.

  
“I never said that and I have no room to even think that. Not after what I’ve done.” He mutters.

  
“What could you have possibly done that is worse than wanting your brother?” I mumble.

  
“The money I got for your laptop? I had to let a lot of guys fuck me for that.” He sits down and curls in on himself.

  
“You whored yourself out for me?”

  
“I’m sorry.”

  
“Dean, why would you ever?” I scoot closer to him and let my foot bump into his boot.

  
“I wanted you to be happy.”

  
“I am happy.”

  
“No, you aren’t. I saw the way you tried to hide away in your own world. I thought a laptop would let you have some of that separate world you craved so much.”

  
“Dean, I was trying to stay away from you so you wouldn’t know how I felt about you. I knew you wouldn’t want me and I was afraid of a moment like this.”

  
“Oh, Sam baby, I will always want you.” Dean sighs and pulls me into his arms. I let my head rest on his chest.

  
“Not like I want you.” I say, wiping away a lone tear.

  
“Yes, like you want me.”

  
“Dean, you don’t need to say that to make me feel better.”

  
“It’s the truth. God, Sam, you are fucking beautiful. I just always knew, I know, you deserve better.” He rubs little circles on my back.

  
“No one better than you.”

  
“I’m dirty.”

  
I look up at Dean’s face, tracing his cheek with my thumb. “You’re perfect.” I decide to take the moment and gently place my lips on Dean’s.

  
“Sam, was that your first kiss?” Dean asks as I pull back slightly.

  
“I waited for everything. Wanted you to be my first. Why, did it suck?” I feel myself shrinking inward.

  
“No, God, no. Best I’ve ever had. Are you sure though?”

  
“I wouldn’t have waited if I wasn’t.”

  
Dean lets out a little laugh and then presses his lips to mine.


End file.
